Eh up, cock? It's Monday. And the mother of all Mondays to top it off.

I have divulged my last, great, hyperpersonal secret to the one person (perhaps two) who will abuse their new profound(ly dangerous) knowledge to the fullest extent possible.

Perhaps I am as stupid as I occasionally convey myself to be.

At any rate, I don't see any functional walking in my future. Someday, perhaps, I will share this story with you.

Today, though, I will share the story of:

Melanie the Freakish Bosoms Girl™ and Special Hugs in the Elevator

I was at the office a few weeks ago, heading down to a meeting on the ground floor of our building. I get into the elevator with Matt and Nikki, coworkers of mine. There's this other girl in the elevator. Melanie. Melanie is...she's one of those special people who...is special, and...has a sweet spirit. She also has like, size QQQ bosoms. And she is not a small person. She's married to another coworker of ours, Damon. Who is a VERY NOT small person.

And she felt like sharing important things with me, right? Right.

So I'm standing in the elevator and feeling kind of awkward. The doors close and suddenly she looks and me and goes, "I'm soo happy!" I pretended I didn't hear her, because I don't do well in social situations, let alone awkward elevator social situations. I'm also hoping to God that neither Matt nor Nikki decide they are curious, and fall for the bait.

Melanie pokes me and says again, "I'm soooo happy!" I smile grimace politely and nod my head. "Oh really, Mel? That's good. Why are you so happy?" I say in a nice, polite way.

You'll never guess what she said. It was the craziest thing ever, and I totally almost exploded trying to hold in my laugther until I could get a decent distance away to not seem terribly rude. She giggles - her voluptuous endowments heaving in a Richter 7 fashion - and says to me:

...

...

"I was talking to my husband this morning, and he said that when we get home from work we get to special hug.

...

...

...

Maybe even twice."


THE END


In other news, I wrote a poem, but it's prosey and WAY too understandable, so I'm not sharing it, because it's not time. And no, it's not posted on my blogspot blog, so don't go scrounging for it elsewhere.

I'll post it eventually.




Maybe even twice.






I'm soooo making a t-shirt that says, "I need a Special Hug."