Mleh. Updates, updates. I need to update all of my little online journals...

These poems are from the recent batch that I wound up writing about someone - who once upon a time meant the world to me - because I was feeling lonely and when I feel lonely, my thoughts seem to revert to him and I can't write anything until I get him back out of my head. So...yeah. They're all untitled but they're all separate poems. Just a common theme...


fingering my disillusionment
like still-warm sheets
the empty morning after,
i press my lips to your name;
the taste of you
still ringing in my ears.

i dismantle
this eager pleasing,
like i'll rearrange the kitchen
once he's finally moved away.

in my unguarded mind,
i was yours.
whispered to you beneath
those many, many
waves of sleep. my own.

given piece by piece
in pieces to the wind,
addressed to you -
swept so unceremoniously,
and scattered.

i won't be retrieving.

each tear for you
returned to sender.



migratory direction.

the yellow ochre core of
oh, desire.

burnished gold,
a taint of dried blood.

i've found the colour
of refusal,
breaking,
her pieces beneath rugs,
shady shoebox letters;

why so many things
fall apart
at the creases.

promises to self
in faded print,
erased by the ignorant years.

my time
always on your side.

my side
the one you disapproved,

the one you painted in
callous,
callow,
hollow laughter.

your colours never
wash away in tears.

your tearing the only thing
to rebuild.

i gnaw this
papier mache heart
to stop the hurting.


we laughed -
we talked about...
well, everything.

and i wanted it,
i loved it.

he loved me,
and i smiled.

we talked, confided
and the world
fell away.

in whispers,
contented silence,

i learned
to let them love me.



i wound your moments
in the afterward,
around ponderous fingers.

a desire to lay you
scriven on this page -
wholly bare,
barely whole;

were i disentangled enough
to objectify
each meaning, glance -

to extract some
less-raw symbol.

i've never been so literal,
so flayed.

instead, it's this
purged you -
riven from me -
smeared somewhat
undelicately
here...

uneras-
able the traces
of this ectomy,

it's you, in my
blood on each page.



i can laugh at you now.
i can be angry,
and not blind.

i see truth
without exceptions.

the window i chose
to catch your light through,
to look out of...

we broke it.
i stand with bleeding fingers
in shards of glass
and laugh

at how i couldn't
see it coming.