I went to the doctor yesterday. Without my mother and paying my own way, for the first time ever. It was a very liberating, independent experience. Well, the going and paying were, the actual visit was kind of traumatizing.

I took my best friend Andrea with me, because she has been the one person I've been the closest to and confided in the most these past few weeks, and because she's not like my mother and doesn't interrupt me in the middle of trying to explain things, and she's not like my mother in the way that she tells me to stop lying to the doctor and to just suck it up and get over my head issues.

See, my mother doesn't realize that you can't just tell someone like that to suck it up. You would't tell someone in the middle of a heart attack to stop faking, suck it up, get over it, just ignore it. Would you? My mother might. I know HER mother would.

Anyway, basically my doctor said he wasn't going to diagnose me, because I have a good mix of issues, and that I need to see a psychiatrist. So I will. And I will pay for it myself. He also made me take a couple of fun tests, put me back on a double dose of prozac, told me to never go off of my medications again EVER without consulting him first, and then he told Andrea that I'm not allowed to be alone, and that perhaps it would be best for about a week for me to not be at home. And to get to a psychiatrist ASAP.

So, for the rest of the week I am now living at my friend Sue's house, which is like a sepulchre compared to mine. There's no noise, ever. And it's a huge house. Sue's the youngest and her parents are both very reclusive. I can sit and read a book and not get jumped on, yelled at, or made to go do something productive. It's so nice.

I got home later than I planned to pack, and the family was eating dinner, and they wanted to know where I had went, so I told them that I went to the doctor, and that Andrea took me out to dinner.

I didn't tell them why I went to the doctor, or why I went to the doctor by myself, because I can't handle another criticizing lecture about my mental health, and because they wouldn't let me go to Sue's house.

So, I sat out on the front porch with my bags waiting for my ride, and my dad came out to get something from his car, and said, "So, what is this, some kind of protest?" and I said no, I was just going to Sue's for a week. "Do her parents know?" "Yes, she and her mother invited me." "And you're going for the week?" "Yes, on a doctor-sanctioned holiday." "Doctor-sanctioned? What doctor?"
"Dr. Allan." "It would have been nice to have some dialogue about this."

And that was that. I left. I did tell my sister why I was going though, because she's the only one who asked me. So I guess if my parents want an answer, then they can ask her. She'll probably even tell them of her own free will. Hopefully.

Meanwhile, I have some quiet time, and I have spammed the OOC, so now there's not much else to do around here. Mornings are so quiet. But I have access to a computer now, and I might be around sometime later this afternoon, because Sue works full time, and it will be a few hours before she gets home every evening. I think I am going to read a lot. And stare out the window a lot. It rained last night, we had the window open, and it started blowing the door at 2 o' clock this morning. I love the smell of rain. Sue said I was moaning a lot in my sleep. I'm surprised I slept at all, but I did, and it was nice. I haven't really slept that well in a long time.